You grab my hand when I am trying to run away.

Tell me now, what are you singing about?

Today was a bad day from before 9am.
I haven't finished my reading. I've been so tired all day. I keep staring in procrastination and doing nothing.
I failed at getting ready on time to go to the gym at 8 so I had to go after class, meaning I missed out on some study time later. Then my friend called me and asked me out to lunch pretty much as soon as I got in so I went out, lost another 2 hours study time, and all of a sudden it was 4pm and I hadn't done anything. And then there was Rev, that was fun, but means its now late at night and I'm not ready to go to sleep.

I feel like all I've been doing recently is moan moan moan. But I don't even have any inclination to change. I just feel so generally shit and then feel guilty for thinking I feel shit when I have good hours. I don't know what to do.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with the disability office at uni, then therapy, then a hospital appointment in the evening. I am so stressed out about it all. I haven't been meditating,  I haven't managed to fill in my worksheet, I haven't got a clue what to say to the hospital people. I just want to give up. But I am so close to getting help. Maybe if I can just keep going one more day someone will be able to help.

My friend gave me a leaflet for the Christian Fellowship of Healing, I'd like to make it to one of their meetings but I am so terrified. I am not good at new situations but at the same time I don't have any friends I feel I could take with me. I think I might leave it a couple of weeks and go to their evening service, once Rev is done for the semester.

I can't wait for the holidays. I'm burning out. I want time just to do my studies but I feel I have a million other things demanding my time. In reality there's only one or two and I'm not doing anything about anyway, but the thought of them paralyses me.

I still haven't cried. My face is burning with the tears that should be there. Why is it trying to be so strong? I'm going to go to bed and read my book, see if that can make me feel. I just feel like I don't care. But I know I must, because I'm still going. I don't know why or how.