Too many new starts, too many wishes on stars.

I'm so dehydrated. I've been pissing about all evening and then collapsed on my bed. Couldn't figure out why the room was spinning. Coffee and Irn Bru are not good water substitutes. Came home this evening so I could do some more learning, maybe even finish my tutorial work but no. I've just stared at my desk. The sadness I managed to push to the back of my mind caught up on me and all I could do was stare.
I'm also a bit confused at how it's suddenly 10pm. I thought I could drink water then do some exercise and rewrite my day plans so I know what I'm doing the next few days and don't stress about it before bed but I'm suddenly SO tired. I'm not going to the library til 9 tomorrow so I can stay up a bit, was planning to go to sleep at 11 anyway.

I've eaten way too much today. My stomach feels huge and I feel so sluggish and self conscious. There's not even anyone here to see me yet I feel awful and ugly. I'm going for lunch tomorrow as well. Looking forward to the company but not the eating. I want to purge but I can't.

Need to turn my thoughts around.
Things I have achieved this evening:

• laundry, I have clean clothes that will make me feel more confident
• tidied my desk so it's ready for work when I can do some
• filing. I love filing. Now my notes are all in the right order and easy to study from

That's pretty good for a night of feeling rubbish.
I also managed to go to the gym at 8am and get to class a whole 20 minutes early today.

I don't have time to think about where I feel I'm failing. I'm doing the best I can in the present moment. That's all anyone can ask for. And it's all I should ask of myself.