Postulate.

I have a confession, I have no idea what the word postulate means. I may have just written a lot of words about it but I still don't get it. Same with many things in life. I've been doing them for ages, but I don't know how or why.

I'm starting to fret because I haven't done my therapy homework. But my 'auto pilot' has been pretty sane this week. I will make something up on Tuesday. If I can't think of something.

I need to get to sleep. I'm not tired though. I woke up at 5am but for some reason I am still pretty content.

Tomorrow, is a new day, a new week. 

I am going to stop drinking coffee (except for the occasional Starbucks/in places that have bad tea)

I think I might save the cigarettes until the packet is done though. I like carrying them round, it's a comfort thing. In the same way that just knowing there are sharp objects in my bag makes the day easier. Smoking's more widely acceptable, and makes you friends.
I am also thinking about food too much. 

I am going to go shopping. I only have bread, pasta and ice cream in my house. Not exactly nutritious.

Tomorrow I will just buy some fruit and essentials, but by Tuesday I am going to have a list of recipes and shopping.

I am going to go to the gym lots again this week, I loved that about last week, I managed to go before class most days and then felt better about the day.
I want to look fabulous. 

I must make myself believe that I am stronger than my depression. I want to be done being held down by it but it has become my companion. If I try too hard to free myself from it I worry I will loose a part of myself. But at the same time I miss who I used to be, who I really am.

I want to smile and laugh and love and glow like I used to.

"Nobody seems to hear
Till I scream and shout
Even if you tie me down
And you blow my candle out

I'll still glow
I'll still glow
I'll be the perfect someone that you'll never know
I'll still glow!"