Oh, how I try, to be just okay.

I'm glad you came. It's nice to see you.

Perhaps I should change my name, change my identity, change my mind.
Flitter through life without an aim. Without a dream.
At least that way I couldn't fail.

But the thing is, I'm really liking who I'm becoming.
And I love that it came out of what I was.
I'm really believing that this now, right here, is just one chapter of many past and still to be written in the book of my life.

I could be anything.
It doesn't matter that I still have no dreams because I'm living, truly living for the first time in a long time.
Yes, I'm still sad, but it's a quantifiable sadness, it doesn't seem at odds with the flow of the world.
Part of the ups and downs.

And in the meadows, the flowers are forcing a path through the dirt. Each colour, each bud, each blade of grass is giving me a little bit more hope that the dawn is coming. That soon it will be spring. The sunshine will stay. We can go outside in pretty sweaters and oversized shades, wearing our tops like dresses. And we will radiate the beauty all around us. And we will see it too. In the little things, in the shimmer and the sunset, the cold air at dawn. But most of all, in ourselves.

You are beautiful.

<3

The only think I know to do is turn up the music and pray that she makes it through.

I love you all.

I love you all too darn much to not be here anymore.

I have been reading your blogs, hungrily pouring over your pages of beauty, finding pieces of you that fill the gaps in me.
Longing for more. Longing to comment. Longing to post.

I scared, but it's a rush.
The thrill that maybe I'll get caught.
Knowing he could look for it again.
Do I want him to?
No.
It's not about that.
It's about me. Me me me.


And yet my fingers tremble.
Nervously pressing the keys.
Their clicking magnified in the the silence.
Each sound a thousand worries. Each tap a rebellion.
I'm fighting.
I'm going to come out stronger. Just you wait and see.

I'm taking it easy, bright and breezy.
I'm living it up, just fine and dandy.
And it really doesn't matter if I never eat.
It really doesn't matter if I never sleep.
When tomorrow comes, I'll do it all again.