About me:I'm scared.

The life you came upon while you had set out on another one.
The faith we have that we didn’t know about.
The divine vision we glimpse in unexpected places.
The art of looking sideways.

Is it alright?

Is it alright if i'm sad?


Is it ok if i'm not myself again?

Will you tell me again the story about how i'm not alone?

Things I am not doing...

~ wearing a pretty dress


~ attending rk's birthday party


~ throwing my 'cello out the window


~ jumping off a bridge






Instead I am,


~ wearing sweatpants


~ drinking a £3 bottle of wine


~ crying


~ trying not to think

End of the silence

Stand up.
Speak out.
Living is believing.

Long ago I stopped believing. Long ago I gave up on living. What difference does anything make? But maybe that's just the point.

and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry

Why do we stand up, knowing we will be knocked down again?

I feel guilty for being so selfish. I act like I'm downtrodden and unloved but this is so far from the truth it's unbelievable. But still I trust in this obsession. I know not how to put my trust into anything else. I just lack any sense of belonging.

Watching all the insects march along
Seem to know right where they belong
Smears of face reflecting in the chrome
Hiding in the crowd I'm all alone 
 
I'm lost in my own denial.

Noone's heard a single word I've said
They don't sound as good outside my head
It looks as though the past is here to stay
I've become a million miles a...

But I know that it's idiotic to feel this way.   

All the jagged edges disappear
Colors all look brighter when you're near
The stars are all afire in the sky
Sometimes I get so lonely I could...

I just wish I could get over myself and be of help