Your pretty amazing grace was all I needed.

"There is no one who is righteous, not even one; there is no one who has understanding, there is no one who seeks God. All have turned aside, together they have become worthless; there is no one who shows kindness, there is not even one"

It is by grace alone that we are loved. The human condition is one fueled by sin; a mind that doesn't understand, a heart that doesn't seek. We are all filthy sinners in comparison to God. We turn from Him at every obstacle, blinded by His beauty. What's the point? There is nothing we can do to save ourselves.

I got skyped and forgot my point.

seems like I always fall short (falln' short)

of being worthy (I ain't worthy Lord)  

'cause I ain't good enough (no no)

but He still loves me (still loves me)

Disapointment.

For a glorious few days, I thought I was on top of life.
I thought I knew what was going on, and what I had to do.
I was excited for going back to school and ready to take on new challenges.
Yet again my world is made of sand. It just crumbles at the slightest touch. I am incapable of love because I cannot love myself. For the last week or longer, I have thought about (and resisted) self harm most hours. I think about ways to get out of here. I think that if I could just cut myself, it would make me feel better. It would take some of this feeling away, make it real. I want to run away from my life and everything about myself. I want the people that know me to distance themselves. I don't want them to hurt any more because of me. I have caused too much suffering already. It was not worth it. I'm left with the same life, the same width of opportunities, the same lack of courage and self worth to make anything of it. I wish for so many things. Above all I wish not to be me. Let someone else take my place. They would do it better. I'm not cut out to do anything more than survive and in surviving I'm just taking up space.