I was never cool in school.

Once upon a time, I was 2. When I was 2, I had little cares or inhibitions. Much to my mother's dismay, I regularly ran about the isles of the church. I was a large child. Some thought I was at least 4 and should have known better and that my mother should be able to keep me under control.

... Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me... Beautiful dawn - melt with the stars again... Do you remember the day when my journey began? Will you remember the end (of time)?

Take some time to lie on the grass and think about all the things you still have left to do.

Today I wrote an email that made me think about where I am.
I spend too much of my time thinking about where I'm going, worrying about things irrelevant to today.
So many moments have passed me, and yet all I can think about is tomorrow. Or how stupid I was to say this or do that. I dwell on messing up far too much. We all make mistakes. We are all broken. Sometimes everything goes wrong. It's okay. Spend too long worrying about it, life will go on without you, leaving you miserable with your thoughts.

This evening, I'm making a commitment to myself to live in the present. I want to be aware of what is happening to me right now - what I am feeling and thinking. I am going to look at situations the way they are, and, without ignoring all that has been or is to come, I will give my full attention to the here and now. I will rejoice and be glad in it for this is the day that the Lord has made.

I go round in circles a lot. I've tried to live in the now before. Every time I fail. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying. Today is a new day. It has plenty of tomorrows that can wait. Today is where it matters. If I go to sleep forgetting, I can always wake up and remember. I plan to.

We are all April fools.

Forced into a prescribed rhythm.

What happens if a car comes?

Franny: Question time. What exactly are you?

Stripes: I don't know.
~ Racing Stripes

Does it matter if we don't know what we are? If we don't know where we're going? If we know the fragility of life, or know what's actually going on?

At the end of the day,

What happens if a car comes?
- We die.
     ~ The Notebook

a place to go when I'm lost... and there I'll find me

I need a place where I can go,
Where I can whisper what I know,
Where I can whisper who I like
And where I go to see them.

I need a place where I can hide,
Where no one sees my life inside,
Where I can make my plans, and write them down
So I can read them.

A place where I can bid my heart be still
And it will mind me.
A place where I can go when I am lost,
And there I'll find me.

I need a place to spend the day,
Where no one says to go or stay,
Where I can take my pen and draw
The girl I mean to be.

- Secret Garden

Oh My Word

Stressed.
Mainly, I do not know WHY I am still awake, it's 3am and I went to bed at 11.30 totally knackered.
Upcoming things: ESSAY, elections, driving, weekend away, essay2, flat mess, baking, physics labs,
I would like to curl up and hide.

Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still. Lou Erickso

I ate toast with nutella and banana because I could not sleep. Now I feel guilty. I want to purge. Instead I'll do sit-ups.

I made a website but I can't find it again.
Weird.


From tomorrow I will not eat chocolate, or crisps, and I will not drink alcoholic beverages.
Hopefully this way I will save some pennies and stop putting on weight and sluggishness.


I would like to recover my life, but sometimes I just fucking hate things.
I sometimes spend a long time trying to kill myself. I sometimes feel stupid for not just doing it.
Shame takes over the secrets we hide.

I feed on my own pain. I blame myself when it rains. I fake a smile for your own sake.
I feel guilty and I don't think I can ever forgive myself, even if I wanted to.

If you knew what I'm like inside, you'd hate me too.

Time takes time, you know.

If you think to yourself, “What should I do now?”
Than take the baton, and girl, you better run with it.
'Cause there is no point in standing in the past cause it’s over and done with.


Someone above has seen me do alright.
Someone above is looking with a tender eye.
Upon your face, you may think you’re alone but you may think again.

If I could do just one near perfect thing I’d be happy.
They’d write it on my grave, or when they scattered my ashes.
On second thoughts, I’d rather hang around and be there with my best friend,
If she wants me.


Busy, busy, busy. No time to be sad. No time to eat healthy. No time to get everything done. No time to live.