Saturday, 14 May 2011

Oh to breathe again...

I'm done. Finished 2nd year. Finally.
I've chosen my courses for honours.
Hopefully I'll have passed these exams and will sail on into next year.
It should feel better than this.
My chest is tight, I cannot breathe properly.
I am anxious.
For what?
I do not know.
What happens next?
Summer.
Shorts.
Bikinis.
Stress.
I need to get through today without bingeing. Then maybe I can get through tomorrow as well.
I am consumed by consumption.
It feels so safe.
Why do I still feel out of control?
I want him back. But how?
Why? What needs to change?
Things have changed. I'm different.
Would he take me back?
Has he moved on?

Step number one: Love myself.
I need to believe that I'm worth something.
I need to forgive myself for not believing it.
Care to join me?
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9 comments:

  1. Peaches14 May 2011 at 18:57

    loving yourself is a challenging but rewarding process. Be kind to yourself - you are with yourself always and at all times - so love yourself, you deserve it. You've worked hard this year, congratulate yourself. :) xxx

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  2. Melee14 May 2011 at 22:01

    I am guilty of not loving myself as well. Soo, anything I say might be rather hypocritcal, but still... make sure to think positive. A lot of times I find myself putting myself down in my thoughts which is just a BAD idea. Remember, you really are "fearfully and wonderfully made". {Psalm 139} <3

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  3. Anonymous14 May 2011 at 22:13

    lovely, i hope you learn how to love and believe in yourself. i believe in you. you are wonderful, xo

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  4. Unknown15 May 2011 at 02:44

    Congratulations your 2nd year is over. You should enjoy your summer dear you deserve it.

    loving yourself is a process but you'll get there eventually. You're right that you need to start in forgiving yourself. You are with yourself 24/7 so it's really essential to get along with her. You are very sweet don't forget that. :)

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  5. Bonnie15 May 2011 at 05:01

    Huge accomplishment - you are woman - roar!!!

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  6. Peridot (G+P)15 May 2011 at 11:59

    You're totally earned this summer, FUCK what others think!

    I'll join you on that. Maybe someday I'll be worthy of love. Just not today.

    I do love you, however!

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  7. m.16 May 2011 at 01:55

    loving yourself is the most important thing.

    have THE best summer ever.
    xox

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  8. lila Braga16 May 2011 at 10:20

    count me in!!! sounds like my kind of mantras!
    hugs
    lila

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  9. Peridot (G+P)16 May 2011 at 10:52

    P.S.
    That is very good advice, I'll try to keep it in mind, Cups of tea&Crafty hobbies/Study are MUCH better for the bank balance and sanity than binges!

    I hope you had a good weekend :) I'll try talking to Miles.

    xoxoxo

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