Smiling as the shit comes down.

I'm so lonely.
I'm so sad.
I'm eating to fill the void in my soul.
It's still empty.
My thighs are swollen, my cheeks, my stomach.
My eyes are puffy from tears I cannot cry.
My heart yearns for him.
My head has lost its power of reason.
I think, maybe in summer, we'll give in to this love.
We can be together, be happy again.
Dreaming.
Empty wasted dreams.
I am not good enough for him.
Not normal enough.
But he never loved me for being normal.
I relive that day when he first told me he loved me.
Then think of all the times I hoped to die in that same room.
All the fear that leaving it brought.
My confidence is knocked.
He didn't help to build it up.
I changed for because of him.
One day, the shit came down, and we were no longer living in lovers paradise.
But still I long to be in his arms. I long to be home.
Every time I see him I start falling.
Falling head over heals in love with him again.
Longing for his touch.
But it never comes.
Each time we part, my heart breaks a little bit more.
I'm too fragile to be torn apart like this.