I have a presentation to write.
It's already after 8pm.
14 hours then I have to speak for one.
I'm so scared I'm numb. I'm unprepared. I've spent the last 5 hours staring at it.
Thinking about food instead. Mindlessly counting. Planning and recounting.
Thinking about cutting. Hating myself. General numbness.
I'm not highly anxious. This confuses me more.
I just want it to be the weekend.
I still have an essay to write.
But come Friday, I should have handed that it.
Then it will be the weekend. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to sleep.
I'm tired. Exhausted. Numb.
Who calls their child Edward Evan when their surname is Evans-Pritchard?
Cruel.
1 day, 18 hours, 42 minutes.
That's all I have to make it through.
All I want to do is throw in the towel.
I hate being around people because I always eat. I hate myself for hating being around people. I don't want to push people away again. I'm so confused. I hope it's just deadline stress. But I can't tell. Maybe it's the drugs. Maybe that's why I'm just numb. I don't know. I just don't know.
I must remember that all is not lost.
i like your writing style.
ReplyDeletewe're human adding machines, aren't we?
good luck with the presentation
:)
ah, heather... i don't like being with a crowd too, but still, i don't like being alone... you can do it! you are beautiful and talented... good luck!♥
ReplyDeletei think we're all similar in that, people and relationships it's a back and forth which sucks
ReplyDeletei wish you the best for your presentation
LOL, that is definitely quite cruel of the parents.
ReplyDeleteJust make it through and you're free. you can do it! :)
I'm having the same trouble with my work right now as well. I hope you don't go through too much pain getting it done. That was beautiful!
ReplyDelete