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| A picture by my friend neil |
Today I am sad. I broke up with boyfriend of over two years on monday. We had been through too much, he had suffered too much pain because of me. I broke him and I broke us.
This boy was sent to save me. He spent nights with me at the a&e, holding back my hair while I puked charcoal. He held me when I cried. He thought I was beautiful, even in my sadness.
He had so much life when we met. He knew who I was, yet he loved me anyway. He fought my dragons for me when I became too weak to care. In his arms I felt so safe. But my dragons, they went for him too. I wanted to protect him. I wanted to hide my flaws because I hate them, because if I could just be normal for a while then maybe it would be easier. But I couldn't. My dragons scratched deep into my flesh. my wounds could not be hidden. My scars formed walls between us. My cuts, an empty valley once filled with laughter.
He is a saint. Each time I wanted to die, he made me live. He was my crutch, my knight, my love. Now he's left me, I need to learn how to live on my own. I have to. My dragons have fought enough of my battles. It's time I fought back.
*HUGS*
ReplyDeleteit sucks and i don't really know what to write but i send you strength. it's to cliche to say you'll get through it.
muah
I'm not sure there is such a thing as normal.
ReplyDeleteAbnormal is when you can't communicate because you are hallucinating and don't believe people who tell you youre not. So if you can communicate, it then becomes a question of acceptance and tolerance. One thing is for certain, everyone has problems.
Be good to yourself! I agree with @Rivercat. Everyone has their own problems, ie. strengths and weaknesses.
ReplyDeleteConsider that sometimes relationships act as band-aids. And that wounds require both time and air to heal.
Lots of love from a heart that's been there! <3 <3
I am so sorry babe. Perhaps this is for the best. We're all here for you.
ReplyDelete<3
I'm sorry to hear this Heather. But honestly, I've almost always found that these things bring needed changes to our lives. I never would have predicted that a violent car accident two years ago would have brought along so much growth and positive changes in my life.
ReplyDeleteRegardless of how you feel right now, as Sarah said we're here for you. You'll probably never use it but my shoulder is always available. ♥
im so sorry, we all love you and are here.
ReplyDeleteyou can do this, you will be stronger, and find something to fight the dragons with, i believe it.
<3
it hurts now, but you can get through it, at least you know to put a time limit on "wallowing"
ReplyDeleteand good luck with your new diet plan.
hugs
Darling, you are so strong,you are. You will find it again.
ReplyDeleteMy new address is http://fragmentsofbella.blogspot.com/ if you like, love.
Do take care.
x
Bella
You're such a beautiful writer. Healing comes in all different forms, sometimes a breakup is necessary even though it hurts.
ReplyDeleteStay tough, stay honest.