What happens if a car comes?

Franny: Question time. What exactly are you?

Stripes: I don't know.
~ Racing Stripes

Does it matter if we don't know what we are? If we don't know where we're going? If we know the fragility of life, or know what's actually going on?

At the end of the day,

What happens if a car comes?
- We die.
     ~ The Notebook

a place to go when I'm lost... and there I'll find me

I need a place where I can go,
Where I can whisper what I know,
Where I can whisper who I like
And where I go to see them.

I need a place where I can hide,
Where no one sees my life inside,
Where I can make my plans, and write them down
So I can read them.

A place where I can bid my heart be still
And it will mind me.
A place where I can go when I am lost,
And there I'll find me.

I need a place to spend the day,
Where no one says to go or stay,
Where I can take my pen and draw
The girl I mean to be.

- Secret Garden

Oh My Word

Stressed.
Mainly, I do not know WHY I am still awake, it's 3am and I went to bed at 11.30 totally knackered.
Upcoming things: ESSAY, elections, driving, weekend away, essay2, flat mess, baking, physics labs,
I would like to curl up and hide.

Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still. Lou Erickso

I ate toast with nutella and banana because I could not sleep. Now I feel guilty. I want to purge. Instead I'll do sit-ups.

I made a website but I can't find it again.
Weird.


From tomorrow I will not eat chocolate, or crisps, and I will not drink alcoholic beverages.
Hopefully this way I will save some pennies and stop putting on weight and sluggishness.


I would like to recover my life, but sometimes I just fucking hate things.
I sometimes spend a long time trying to kill myself. I sometimes feel stupid for not just doing it.
Shame takes over the secrets we hide.

I feed on my own pain. I blame myself when it rains. I fake a smile for your own sake.
I feel guilty and I don't think I can ever forgive myself, even if I wanted to.

If you knew what I'm like inside, you'd hate me too.

Time takes time, you know.

If you think to yourself, “What should I do now?”
Than take the baton, and girl, you better run with it.
'Cause there is no point in standing in the past cause it’s over and done with.


Someone above has seen me do alright.
Someone above is looking with a tender eye.
Upon your face, you may think you’re alone but you may think again.

If I could do just one near perfect thing I’d be happy.
They’d write it on my grave, or when they scattered my ashes.
On second thoughts, I’d rather hang around and be there with my best friend,
If she wants me.


Busy, busy, busy. No time to be sad. No time to eat healthy. No time to get everything done. No time to live.

About me:I'm scared.

The life you came upon while you had set out on another one.
The faith we have that we didn’t know about.
The divine vision we glimpse in unexpected places.
The art of looking sideways.

Is it alright?

Is it alright if i'm sad?


Is it ok if i'm not myself again?

Will you tell me again the story about how i'm not alone?

Things I am not doing...

~ wearing a pretty dress


~ attending rk's birthday party


~ throwing my 'cello out the window


~ jumping off a bridge






Instead I am,


~ wearing sweatpants


~ drinking a £3 bottle of wine


~ crying


~ trying not to think