Too sad.

Too sad to do anything, or so sad because I'm not doing anything?
Stupid fricking essays.
This weekend I've spent about 16+ hours staring just at it. I've written no more than 350 words in that time.
And there's a mouse.
I made cake for rev band tonight after failing at the essay.
I'm sitting up watching it cool down so the mouse doesn't eat it.
I can hear the bugger. Where's a cat when you need one?
I need some strategies.
I don't know how to react when I see nothing.
What to do when my brain just can't stay focused on the task.
It all seems to much to cope with.
I just freeze.
I think about how I can express myself.
I ate too much tonight.
My mouth feels so sweet and sickly.
Northern weekend away is next weekend, I have another essay due on the Monday. If I don't finish this one before Monday night then I don't see how I can go away for the weekend.
Does that mean I'll spend the weekend moping about how I'm not having fun? Not do any essay anyway. Like tonight. Why am I not at Caitlen's? And last night, why not Sarah's? Am I punishing myself. I don't want to see people. I don't want to have to go out my house ever again. Except tomorrow when Rev Band is on so I can avoid them too. I'm not sure if I can face going to church tomorrow. It's been making me cry the last couple of weeks. And rev didn't even make me laugh this week. I'm just a sack of sorrow. Sucking the joy out of others and depositing it in the black hole that was my soul. It's no fun being me. It's no fun being around me.