Home?

"I spent years feeling like this, wondering if each new place I went would be the home I was looking for. Then I realized that "home" is not something the universe is supposed to give me, a magical place where I'll suddenly feel I belong. It's a commitment I make to a place and to a community. I found a place that didn't feel like home at first, but I decided to make it my home. Every day that I spend here strengthens my commitment. Every day it becomes a little more like 'home'." (email to Frank)
I facebooked Scott. I try make Morningside my home for a bit.
Soon I can start to make my flat a home because Nikla will live here for real and we can decorate beautifully.
I like cooking.
I'm not so much in to eating.
I read Harry Potter.
Every day is a struggle. But it doesn't seem to bring me closer to anything except breaking.
I cannot feel. How can I love when I cannot feel? How can I laugh? How can I reach out for Jesus when he is so very far away?
I can't. I lie hopeless. Snarling at anyone who tries to help. Their efforts are always in vain. They cannot help, they can only get hurt.
Leave me. Maybe if my flesh rots my soul will feel at home. A broken soul inside a broken body.